December 20, 2020
Dear 5th Ward Family
Well, today is the last Sunday before Christmas. Even though the calendar makes if clear that Christmas is only 5 days away, I can’t help but believe it has come much too quickly. Like most of you, we will be having a different Christmas, without the physical presence of family and friends and I must confess I am saddened by that.
Our daughter Abby was at work the other day when someone made a similar comment regarding missing Christmas with family. One of her co-workers, an immigrant to this country, said they had about had it with people complaining about not being able to have Christmas the way we would like it. He said where he came from, many people didn’t even have a home to live in and that we should be grateful for we do have in such bounty.
That is a sobering thought; even under our current restrictions, we are so blessed. However, as I pointed out to Abby, the fact we will be missing family, even when we have so much, is something we need not be ashamed or embarrassed about. And while we likely could do more for those who are not so blessed, perhaps this will allow us to not simply take for granted the wonderful opportunities we have to spend time with family.
I’d like to share with you what has become something of a tradition in our family. 40 years ago, when I spent my first Christmas morning with Lori’s family in their home in Hillspring, I was impressed that her Grandpa and Grandma Pilling had taken the time to write a short letter to each of their grandchildren to be read on Christmas morning. In the letter, they shared some personal thoughts and bore testimony of the importance of the gospel of Jesus Christ in their lives. It brought tears to Lori’s eyes as she read the beautiful words of her grandparents written in the artistic penmanship of her Grandmother Pilling.
Now, let’s fast forward approximately 25 years to one of those discussions most men dread. Lori said, “I’ve got an idea for Christmas.” (Let the dread begin). “I think we should write each of the kids a letter for Christmas.” (Meaning, I think you should write each of the kids a letter for Christmas. Ok, one more thing to do for Christmas. I mean, I was already planning on getting a gift for Lori, what more was expected?) “I think it would be a really good thing for the kids.” (Meaning, I think it would be a good thing for both you and the kids.)
Now, as I said, we’d already been married for 25 plus years and I was smart enough to know when it’s just easier to say yes and hope she forgot about it. But oh no, this was something that we (I) was going to get done.
So, it started with 5 letters. Sometimes they were written at 1:00 am Christmas morning and (usually) lovingly placed in their stockings. Other times, I would get them done several days in advance. They started on plain paper, then advanced to Christmas stationery. Occasionally, I wrote them reluctantly; sometimes I wrote them with enthusiasm. But each year, they were written. And we (and I mean we) noticed something. Each year, the kids would pull the envelope first thing from their stockings and the room would grow quiet as they read their letter. It was a chance to tell them how proud we were of them, and how grateful we were for all they did. There would often be tears, but they were happy tears.
Eventually, the kids all grew up, moved away and got married. If they came home for Christmas with their new husband or wife, the letters of course were there, but we also sent them on if they were spending Christmas at the in-laws. One year, James was with Lexi’s family in Arizona and we had sent our gifts, including the letter, to the in-laws so they would be waiting for them on Christmas morning. All the gifts were opened and James said, somewhat reluctantly, was there a letter for me? It had been put in another room and forgotten. He got to read his letter that spoke of our eternal love for him.
We decided it would also be a good idea to write a letter to the kids’ spouses as well. So through the years the letters increased from 5 to eventually 10. We (I) got them done early this year and they have all been delivered to be read on Christmas morning.
But this year we thought we would do something different. Rather than a completely individual letter, we combined the personal comments with common advice to all of the kids; things we have noticed during the past year, and especially during the past 9 months, that we think are important and can be worked on by all of us. I’d like to share that portion of their letters with you. I hope it isn’t too personal and can be received in the spirit of love with which it was written. This is the excerpt:
We would like to share with you some observations and beliefs concerning things we consider both relevant and important during these strange and difficult times.
1. Be kind to one another. As we watch how people deal with others, especially via social media, we see a tremendous mix of people at their best versus their worst. It never ceases to amaze us the good and bad that can come from comments placed on Facebook and other social media sites. The former can be tremendously uplifting, while the latter is nothing short of bullying and can be extremely deleterious. With respect to the negative comments, what people will say anonymously what they wouldn’t dare say to a person’s face is cowardly in the extreme. Life is too short and our influence potentially too broad to run the risk of making comments that can have, in some cases, life changing effects on the subject. On the other hand, positive comments can have exactly the opposite offence. A kind word or thought can literally lift someone’s spirits and improve their self-worth in an immeasurable way. So, be kind.
2. Be grateful. There are so many things that happen on a daily basis for which we should be extremely grateful. The ability to express gratitude does not come easily to many. Whether it is because of a sense of entitlement, or excessive pride, some people simply cannot recognize those things that are provided for them and for which they should be grateful to those that provide those things. Whether it’s being grateful to a teacher, a student, a neighbour, a parent, a child or a stranger, the ability to recognize the gift they have provided, sometimes unknowingly, is to be able to recognize that we are not an island unto ourselves and that we cannot exist in a vacuum. Saying thank you lifts both he or she who utters as well as the recipient. President Nelson recently encouraged us to express our gratitude both to the people around us and to our Father in Heaven, indeed he said that by expressing gratitude, we can heal the ills of the world. So, be grateful.
3. Learn to forgive and try to forget. This might be one of the most difficult things we have to deal with as human beings. It is so hard to forgive those whom we believe have wronged us in some way. The interesting thing is that sometimes the offender doesn’t even know they have done something wrong. Yet, we are commanded to forgive. “
I, the Lord, will forgive whom I will forgive, but of you it is required to forgive all men.” ( D&C 64:10)
For those of you thinking good, I don’t have to forgive women, that’s not what this means. We are to forgive all people. You may think it’s just another commandment with no other residual benefits (which by the way is a dangerous approach), but there is ample scientific evidence that forgiving someone who has wronged you has both physiological and psychological benefits. This is true even if the person being forgiven doesn’t feel guilty or responsible for anything. The more difficult task is to forget. Sometimes, forgetting a wrong is far more difficult than forgiving and of course there are times when forgetting is neither possible nor advisable. However, those situations are the exception. Actually letting go of a wrong can free you from ongoing anxiety and feelings of anger and guilt. It is a method of cleansing the mind and body that cannot be duplicated by substances, prescribed or otherwise. So, forgive and try to forget.
4. Maintain family bonds. During this time of Covid, likely as never before, the importance of family has been underscored. There is a yearning in the human psyche that is largely part of our makeup to belong to a family group. We so want to belong to a family unit and experience the joy and warmth that is associated with that. It’s true that, unfortunately, many of our insecurities and imperfections are a direct result of our family relationships. That is where the forgiveness and forgetting part discussed above is so important. We must remember that we, hopefully, have all grown up and become more well rounded and mature individuals. Being able to move forward with a relationship rather than dwelling on past problems and affronts will allow those family bonds to bolster us in times of trial and support us when we most need it. It’s sad that often times the mending of family bridges is left to occasions such as funerals. Many opportunities to spend time together and enjoy each other would have already been lost. So, stay close to family. And lastly;
5. Be generous. We have been blessed with so many things. We all live in accommodations with amenities that even just a generation ago were unimaginable. We all have cars, TVs, electronic devices and smart phones. The necessities of life are rarely, if ever, a concern for us. Yet, there are those around us who still wonder where their next meal will come from. It should go without saying that we should be generous in our tithes and offerings, especially fast offerings, but we have other ways to help. Whether it’s being a secret Santa, providing a plate of cookies to a neighbour or friend, or, (gasp) giving change to a street person, we can lighten someone’s load. King Benjamin said “For behold, are we not all beggars?” There will come a time when we will be called to account for our treatment of our fellowman. And perhaps as importantly, giving to others just makes you feel good. It’s an opportunity to extend Christ-like love and to share in the feeling associated with that. So, be generous.
This is the portion of the letters I wanted to share with you. I think this simple advice will provide a roadmap to happiness and peace that seem elusive during these troubled times.
We love you and are proud to have you as part of our family.
Stay safe, stay healthy and social distance.
Merry Christmas to you all.
Bishop Brooks
